My size acceptance history

I have always been plump. I never really thought about it until I was 9/10 and I moved to a new primary school. It was here that the teasing began. I had been popular in my previous school and I then moved into a small village primary school where all the pupils seemed to either be related in some way or they had known each other all their lives. I have a strong memory from around that time of a friend complaining about her weight (she had a small amount of puppy fat but was by no means fat). My reply was along the lines of your fat look at me. Her exact works were 'No I’m fat your obese' (at the time I was about 95/100 pounds).
I began to see myself through others eyes. The funny thing is that recently someone from that school posted a picture of us at primary on facebook. I actually was not that big in fact my friend looked bigger than me.
My weight became a constant issue throughout my life. I was bullied by people I had called friends, I lost all confidence and became obsessed with hiding my body, which had become the theme of my life. At secondary school any guy who showed any interest in me would hide it from their friends (well everyone really) so I was left resorting to meaningful glances, time spent hiding around the back of school buildings and notes. When i was 17/18 i had a relationship with a chef at work called Simon (well I say relationship). We got on really well at work and would spend hours talking instead of working. I found him utterly irresistible. From the moment i met him it was obvious that i liked him but that he would never like me. He loved skinny girls and would always talk about how beautiful his ex girlfriends were. One night we ended up having a very drunken and very forgettable one night stand. I had tried to kiss him before and been turned down so i was surprised when he came on to me. He admitted that he had always liked me but was worried about the repercussions from the other members of staff. Anyway the next morning i had to rush off to college so we didn't really speak. Another work colleague, Mike, who had seen us that night asked me what had happened and I confided in him. The problem being that Mike then asked Simon who denied everything. Work became unbearable as Simon would no longer talk to me. The chefs knew i'd stayed over and Simon just denied anything had happened. I felt utterly humiliated.
When I look back now I know that i wasn't that big. I was only a size 14 and I had a nice figure very hourglass. When I went clubbing I would always get attention and I knew that I could sleep with a number of guys if that was my wish but I wanted more than one night stands. The problem was that my self esteem was so low by the time I was 18 that whenever someone showed any interest I would wonder what was wrong with him. One good example would be another chef from work called Nick. He was a very quiet person and didn't talk much at work. On a night out to say goodbye to a friend of mine who had found a new job he saved me from a very bad experience. I was messed up and I guess I needed a knight in shining armer to protect me. Anyway I ended up kissing him. He really liked me and we arranged to meet a few times but I was not interested. He had very different tastes to me and we just weren't a good match. Looking back I feel truly terrible about the way I treated him.

When I was at secondary school I used to retreat to a fantasy world. This would normally occur as i walked home from school, from one hell to the other. I used to imagine that I was actually a beautiful thin person wearing a body suit. I always imagined that all i had to do was find the zip and take off this huge ugly thing. I even imagined the clothes I would wear and would fade into daydreams about my true self walking into school looking like one of the 'popular girls' with a huge smile and that strange air of confidence they all seemed to emit. I imagined leaving all the guys drooling after me and seeing the faces of those who teased me drop as they realized that the stunning girl standing in front of them was the plain timid girl they so enjoyed ridiculing. After talking to other bbw's (big beautiful women) i realize that this is not uncommon.
Though I have had boyfriends/ male interest they have always accepted my weight not enjoyed it and I have always felt the need to hide my body from them. This all changed when I started university. I began dating an FA (fat admirers). He was always very open about his preferences. Until I met him I was not aware that there were FA's. My step-dad would tell me as a teenager that there were some tribes who would worship my figure but I never thought that there were 'normal' people who thought of fat as beautiful/ sexy.
I did not believe him to begin with I had dated guys who preferred big hips/ boobs but as I have already said they would just accept the rest.
I have always thought that curvy women were beautiful and have always been the first to condemn my friends for wanting to diet etc but I could never see that beauty in myself. But seeing the look on his face when I'm doing something simple like watching the tv makes me feel so special. I feel so comfortable when I'm with him. After 3 years I am now beginning to gain confidence my main problem has been taking the confidence I've gained from him and using it in my everyday life but I'm getting there.
I have actually been offered guest modeling for a prestigious pay site called bigcuties. I was offered this because i posted a picture of myself saying i was interested and asking what people thought. Unfortunately i have decided not to pursue this as my career as a teacher could potentially be effected if any pictures surfaced. Rich gave me the push I needed to post that picture up and the confidence to contemplate modeling and for that I will always be grateful.